Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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