She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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