Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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