ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize