Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
