I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
