I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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