I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
