He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
