Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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