My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
