you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
