i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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