i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
