I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
