ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
