arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
