SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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