Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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