were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He passed out mid-signature
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
