i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
