Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
