something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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