There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
