suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
