After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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