No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize