living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
