You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize