When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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