dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
