Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That accounts for only three of the penises
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
