He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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