A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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