Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
