He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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