Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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