The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
