He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
