I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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