i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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