sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
