What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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