so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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