I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
