So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
