He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
