Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
