Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
