im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
