I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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