dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
