It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
