he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
