He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
