I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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