And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
