I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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