3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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