do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
