you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
