my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
