my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize