Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is Oprah even human
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
