I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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