Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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