I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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