He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have already put on my inside pants.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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