I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
