Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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