Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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