i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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