She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The power of my boobs compel you
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
