I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
