...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
