my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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