my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
