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I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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