My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
