note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
