Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
