try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
