so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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