the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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