that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
