youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
